And so it begins. With this week's lovely spring weather we get the tourists. Americans fat with their loud grating voices and hideous clothes (shall I describe them for you?). Europeans with their lack respect for personal space. Large groups who stop at the foot of an escalator or suddenly in front of famous windows. They wobble across sidewalks getting everyone's way, including their own sometimes. At Christmas time if I avoid 5th Ave from 45th St to 59th I can usually remain unaffected by them but in the summer they seem to swarm everywhere.
On most Saturday mornings I drive into the City with my husband but today my cleaning lady came so I took the ferry in myself and they were all over the terminal. Large groups blocking walkways and escalators; group leaders holding up hands or flags or hats to keep everyone together-shouting. People taking pictures of the view or the Statue of Liberty who seem to think they can stand or crouch anywhere for the "best angle". They think they can stand on anything too-if I had slower reflexes my new mod green coat would now be sporting a size 13 midwestern sneaker print. Thank you to the horrible teenager for climbing on the seat next me. Seat. Not stepladder.
While waiting to get off the ferry, I put my bag on the seat next to me, not realizing a man had silently stopped behind me to look at the spectacular Brooklyn waterfront skyline until he SHOUTED to his wife to "look-" right in my ear (?!?!?!) I jumped, turned, looked at him with raised eyebrows, wishing with all my heart that I could raise one eye brow only. So much better for the condescending sneer I was offering him. He had the grace to say he was sorry, and not in that mumbled automatic way either, he really seemed to mean it. But really-why do they have to stand where I am standing-there are plenty of windows overlooking Brooklyn.
Once I got to the city it was slightly better and I will try to concentrate on streets and neighborhoods where they are less likely to be. I have one thing to return at the Levis store, across the street from Bloomingdales and then can get to Barney's and further uptown. The upper floors at Barney's and upper Madison Ave will be mostly free of them and I can breathe again.
Descriptions:
In case you're interested the soccer mom's usually wear those medium blue jeans with a higher waist than they should with rounded hips, cut wider in the leg, they get narrower as they travel down to the ankle, always stopping too far above the shoe and we are forced to see their ratty bulky workout shoes. There is always a pink or yellow v-neck T involved, rolling over the waves of fat. There is always a dreadful luggage color pocketbook with a shoulder strap. The daughters' are now wearing skinny straight jeans with their pink and yellow T-s stopping too short of their hips shows us in fact emphasizing that terrible muffin top over the low waistband and rounded hip. With ballet slippers. The boys wear old vintage concert from bands that never existed, their jeans too big and flop around with their ratty sneakers untied and flapping nor do they every seem to pick up their feet when they walk. The men are always in polo shirts and those jeans that are also in medium blue, too high waisted and with a "skotche" more room. (That was from an old Levi's ad.)
I really wish they would just send money to the city, we could send some pretzels, hot dogs, museum buttons, and shopping bags...then they could brag that they were here and we wouldn't actually have to have them standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
Thanks for listening.
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